My time in Nicaragua is coming to an end. Tomorrow is my last day of work, and I leave for Akron on Sunday. Please think of me in this time of transition. Thank you.

What a scary concept.

I will take this time and space today to reflect on my time here in Nicaragua and then to discuss some thoughts I have for the future.

First of all, I did not come to Nicaragua to enjoy myself, and I did not come to Nicaragua to go on a trip. I was reviewing the goals I wrote down at MCC orientation in Akron and I think my reasons for coming to Nicaragua were the following: I wanted to go somewhere where people speak Spanish and see what life was like. I wanted to use my skills somewhere doing something good. When I was at my interview in October or November 2006 I was so attracted to the description of the Cultural Centre, and I knew that that was where I wanted to go. The whole MCC process worked out so smoothly (well, smoothly in comparison to my life here...) that I felt it was God's will for me to come here.

I have learned many things in the past 10 months. It would take a book or two to write them all. Maybe some day I will do that. Largely, I have learned that people are people no matter where they are and that I can learn a lot from them. I feel that in my current job I have learned what I can, but from Nicaragua, maybe I have more to learn. I have learned the many ways people worship God, and that I often disagree with what I hear in church, but that God can be present there too. I have learned that I require more intellectual stimulation than what I receive from my job, and that I can find it in good discussion, good books and magazines ad academic journals. I find that I also like writing a lot and that it is the way I "process" things.

So this brings me to the future. Since I like learning, I am excited to study at the U of T next year. I am interested in literature, at least I liked in in my last round of schooling and so hopefully I still do. I think I would like to be able to take some kind of international studies, political science or history (about Latin America) class in conjunction with my Spanish courses.

After that, I would like a job where I can talk to people, learn about their life and drink tea or coffee (depending on the culture, you know, now I'm pro with cultural sensitivity). And then do something to accompany that, because they don't really pay people to exclusively drink coffee.

In the words of one of my commenters, I have become verbose of late. I invite you to take a look at the latest Friends of Batahola newsletter. Even though I am not recognized (not that that bothers me or anything...) I wrote the articles on page 2 and 3 (except the president's column.) If you are willing to get past the 80s green header, take a look! Here is the link http://www.friendsofbatahola.org/newsletter.htm, and it is the Spring 2008 issue. I wrote the majority of articles in the fall (beautiful purple colour) issue as well.

There are many ways, politically correct or otherwise, to say that someone is poor. In Nicaragua, the au courant term is "personas de escasos recursos económicos," or people with little economic resources. One English word that comes to my mind is underprivileged. I think that the people I work with are underprivileged and the kids would qualify as "at risk."

Since I, as a child, and in the present, had many advantages (my basic physical and emotional needs were met, which is a big advantage) does that make me the average Canadian I like to think I am? Or does it mean that I was privileged or over-privileged?

What does it mean to be over-privileged? It means I can plan for the future. It means that when I'm doing a craft activity I don't hog the materials because I've never used them before. It means that I have every reason to dream and believe that they will come true because along the way doors will probably open, not because I deserve it but because of who I am...It means that I eat as much fruit and vegetables as I want, and as much meat too. It means that if everyone lived like me we wouldn't have a world to live in.

Is this development's goal? to give everyone my standard of living? because that is probably impossible. Then to what end do rich countries offer aid? A market for their products? guilt alleviation? Wouldn't it be better for the world if we de-developed ourselves first? If we tried to de-privilege ourselves before trying to give our privileges to others? To think long and hard about the liberties we cherish and whether they actually mean anything to the people we impose them on?

Ah, questions. At least I have the space to reflect and ponder and doubt. At least my job doesn't expect big "developments." While MCC may sound as if its emphasis on relationships bars real (North American style) work, it is much better, on a world wide sclae, to have people transformed by their experience in another country, and who will likely live differently on their return home.

(FYI, I am not mindlessly swallowing MCC propaganda...I really think this emphasis makes MCC different from many, not all, groups, and I think this is a good thing.)

Poverty is something that I see every day and can't ignore.

Poverty not pretty, noble or easy. In the beatitudes, Jesus tells us "blessed are the poor in spirit." Not blessed are those with less economic resources. Not blessed are those who help themsleves. Not blessed are those mothers who break their backs working to feed their children. Not blessed are those who don't have access to education. I don't think God could possibly want people to struggle for their daily rice and beans, nor could god want people to have so much they don't even notice what they throw away.

Poverty is someone buying three eggs and 250 mL oil because they can't pay for the dozen or the whole bottle. Poverty is the majority of a country's population not formally employed which means that nothing is open outside of office hours and no one seems perturbed. Poverty means that people work through strikes because if they don't their family will starve. It means that people's needs are so great that often their dignity gets pushed to the side.

God can't want that. We are all created in God's image. That means that we all have dignity that shouldn't be crushed or stepped on.

But many people need "the poor." Some people need them so they can feel good about helping. Some people need them and the cheap labour they supply to buy and sell things cheaply. Some people need them to make themselves rich (or keep their countries that way?) Some people need to step on others to feel better about themselves. I can see myself in many of these portrayals, and that is why it gives me pause.

What hurts me most, however, is how poverty and reality are discussed in the church setting. Nicaraguan catholics and protestants alike talk a lot (or use the phrase anyway) about God's will (not as much as in Egypt fyi). When this messasge comes from the authorities people stay small, silent and afraid.

The "difficult situation" or crisis, otherwise known as reality is often an extreme sport. If your spiritual leader tells you to accept it, what are you supposed to do? How can you change things? You can't. Too many (powerful) people are out there counting on complacency.